I said, Goodbye to Romance

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My love! Do you remember the time when you whispered to me, “I would love to give you a blowjob in this moshpit”. I was ecstatic over the idea. But it wasn’t the idea of an erotic setting that set flames to my heart but the chaos and disorder that you would see through to make me happy.

But in sooth, it’s been a while that I don’t feel nourished. It hasn’t been quite the surge of emotions that should have suspended me into oblivion and as I should have liked to dangle to and forth, but it hasn’t been quite so. I like despair and I loathe happiness. It’s all meaningless and if it’s meaningless then I might well be meaningless in my own existence, I have begun to ponder. But with the ugly reality clinging on to my mind, for some time now, I can’t be lost in oblivion. Yes, love has been beautiful to me, such brilliant billow of lifelessness can one be engulfed into. I wonder if I could ever feel despair again. But, I am in despair now. It`s ironic but it`s not complicated. This kind of despair is the despair of love. But I have  always disdained love until you came up like a dreamy apparition. The thing with despair is that I gratify in such a delicate disposition. But with love, I cannot help but feel lost in some uncanny wanderlust. It`s creeping into my mind.

Against the background of Japanese cherry blossoms, the hour of time when you stroked my rough and parched hand with your tender and cherubic fingertips as your serene countenance lighted by the warm, radiant, November sunrays  shall echo in my abyss of a memory forever. With a light heart, I am in wrong to run away from you but whatever I gave it to you, I gave in earnest.  You may wonder what went wrong but there needs to be no wrong for us to judge a right, if there is a indeed a wrong and a right in the spectrum  of our universe.  With this said, you may infer that I have a higher purpose in life so, I need to be set free but I don’t conjecture a higher purpose for any man and if anyone seeks such a purpose then he should be in a delusion of grandeur. I want to break off at this instant because I feel there should be no soul who should be inhibited my presence and with love, inhibition is always inherent. Yes, my love, I happen to be one of those men who truly believes in free will and how is one supposed to achieve freedom when one is ardently in love with a woman. It is the cruel fate of life that I met such a beautiful woman like you and it was more cruel of fate for you to have fallen for such an imbecile like me. Yes, it was fate. Yes, I repeat it was fate though I just confessed to you about believing in free will. One should refute the idea about fate if one really believes in free will but I believe that the world has strange ways to make things happen which no one can comprehend.  It is true that I cannot fathom the length of your love nor infer any ethereal love that has passed through our brief vicissitude of romantic endeavours but what I can say in sooth is that you shall always be loved, such a delicate, passionate woman.

It’s a strange goodbye and I ask your forgiveness but if one day, when you shall forgive me and I believe you will, in that moment only will you understand my position for a man who seeks light shall always bring darkness to his loved ones.  I hope you fare well love.  Adieu.

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    1. Well, we both are yeutai dyang ko mula. Thank you for the read. As Emily Dickinson said, “Much madness is divinest sense”.

  • There was a time when I totally related to this, maybe I still do. I want to have this feeling again. Finding happiness in discontent.
    Very well written.

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    1. Thank you Ritesh for the read. I am sorry for the late reply but, it’s good to know that there are wonderful people out there who understands what the majority does not. It’s both a bliss and a malady to feel in such a way. I’ll surely go through your posts. 🙂

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